Tag Archives: Love must be tough

I Don’t See a Man, I See My Child.


I don't see a man, I see my child.

This “Recovery Thought” was originally a comment on one of our Facebook groups. I read it and it resonated strongly with me. Linda W. has agreed to let us share this publicly, hoping her works will let others know —they are not alone.
~Judy Herzanek/Changing Lives Foundation

I’d like to share a crazy question I asked of an EMT who transported my 37-year-old son and me to the hospital. She and I were standing near my son who was on a stretcher after suffering a seizure.

Looking at him I just had to ask her. Does he look like a man to you????

She answered yes.
I looked back at my son who could not hear this conversation.

Then I explained.
When I look at my son I don’t see a man. I see my child.
I see the boy I raised and love so much. Mentally I know he is a man; heart wise I am looking at my son. . . my child. But I never see a grown man like I do with other people’s sons.

Perhaps that is partly why we mothers believe we’ve got to save them.

I’m learning I need to see the man he is and allow him to make his choices. 
I did not cause the drinking and I cannot stop it. This man is capable of making decisions and going through the consequences.

I can love him, be “a bit of light” in his world, but I can’t be the mom who could fix the hurts of childhood.  He is no longer a child.  I need to let him find the man he is meant to be.  And I need to look after me.

“I did not cause the drinking and I cannot stop it.
This man is capable of making decisions
and going thru the consequences.”

> This Recovery Thought posted with permission and written by  ~Linda W.

Read More Recovery Thoughts:
> #100: “I’m Left-Handed. I’m Also Alcoholic.”
> #101: “AA Just Doesn’t Work for Me.”
> #102: “It’s Okay To Not Be Okay.”
> #103: “I don’t see a man. I see my child.”
> #104: “They tried to make me go to rehab…”
> #105: “Love the Addict, Not the Addiction.”

Joe Herzanek/Author,
Why Don’t They Just Quit? Hope for families struggling with addiction.

> Do you have to stop seeing all your old friends to recover?
> Is a relapse—failure?
>Should my husband “back off?”
> If someone can stop using drugs or alcohol for weeks at a time, they “aren’t an addict—correct?
>Chronic Pain Management & Pain Pill Addiction: What to do?
>How can I know if my addicted friend or loved one is telling the truth?
>How can I tell if someone is an addict/alcoholic or just a heavy user?
>What is Methadone? What is Harm Reduction?

Why Don't They Just Quit? Hope for families struggling with addiction.

Updated and Revised

“Q & A with Joe” is excerpted from
Part 5 of the updated edition:

“Why Don’t They Just Quit?
Hope for families struggling with addiction.”
(click above to buy)

> Phone Counseling for Family Members
Recommended Books and DVDs for families of substance abusers and addicts
Low cost, No cost Alcohol and Drug Treatment Directory

> Drug Addiction and Alcoholism Recovery Resources for Friends, Families and Employers


If you found this Recovery Thought helpful:
please see our other posts (above) and consider reading:
“Why Don’t they Just Quit? Hope for families struggling with addiction.”

Available at:
> Our website, “Why Don’t They Just Quit?”
> Amazon.com
> Changing Lives Amazon Storefront (buy new, from us for much less)

A few of our Amazon.com reviews:
Best book ever about addiction. Written by one whose done it and is recovering. Easy to read, not preachy, just honest. I recommend this book to anyone with an addict in their life! ~Lynda A

Got an addiction problem in your family? Read this book. Joe knows his stuff. This book helps you better understand those dealing with friends and family that are addicted to drugs and alcohol. I have read several of these books but this one is the best. ~RJ

I, like many people, have some knowledge of what drugs and addiction are, but are clueless on what the process of recovery entails. This book does a great job in what it would take to help a loved one, who is an addict and is willing to get clean and stay clean. It also gives one hope that your loved one will survive the nightmare they are living through with their family. ~CG

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> Audio Book CD (Listen to the book)
> Kindle
> Audible Audio Download (LISTEN TO 4 MIN. SAMPLE NOW)

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