Tag Archives: Advice

Criticism: Advice That is not Asked for


The Wisdom of the Rooms“Criticism: Advice That is Not Asked For”

~by Michael Z

So many family members who call Changing Lives Foundation
feel like they are all alone in their struggles.
Our best advice to those who have limited resources is
to visit an Open AA meeting or two, attend an Al-Anon or Nar-Anon meeting.
There,they will find others with similar concerns.
Many of the people in these meetings offer gems of wisdom just like this
from Michael Z.
Read what he has to say about criticism, advice and AA—


I have someone in my life that, after she asks how I’m doing and I begin to tell her, immediately begins telling me the things I need to change or start doing. Until this quote I didn’t realize that the reason her unasked for advice made me feel so bad was because it was thinly veiled criticism of the way I was living my life.

Thank God the program doesn’t work that way. If people in the program or my sponsor started giving me unasked for advice or telling me what to do, I would have left long ago. Instead, people give me suggestions (when I ask for them) based on their own experience. If they had a similar situation as mine and they did something that worked for them, then they may suggest that it might work for me as well. It’s up to me at that point to try it or not.

Because of the AA program, I have learned to apply this wisdom in my other relationships as well. In fact, people now call me a good listener, and it’s because I know that all people really want is to be heard and understood. If asked, the best I can do is share my experience with a similar situation – if I have it. Otherwise, it’s best to listen, empathize and help them process their experience.

That’s always better than giving advice that’s not asked for.


Excerpted from “The Wisdom of the Rooms Volume 2”
~by Michael Z.


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To go from “Criticism: Advice that is not asked for”
to “Why Don’t They Just Quit?” Home

More from Wisdom of the Rooms:
Things might not get better for me, but I can get better despite things
12 Step AA Wisdom: Bring the body, the mind will follow

The AA Promises

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